


Don't

by gimmefire



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: M/M, no, oh God no why, when RL is sad but the fic is sad too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-13
Updated: 2016-09-13
Packaged: 2018-08-14 18:41:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8024815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gimmefire/pseuds/gimmefire
Summary: Italy 2016. "Rob Smedley...we started at Ferrari and we're still together, since a long time. Since my first podium we were together. I don't know if he is here or not, but anyway...thank you."





	Don't

**Author's Note:**

> Poorly written and edited I just needed to get it out don't look at meeee
> 
> Also this may as well be in the same universe as [The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face](http://archiveofourown.org/series/38179) because fuck everything

Rob's in the lift going back up to his room after dinner at the hotel when his phone buzzes in his pocket. He scans the brief, ordinary text message more times than necessary before he replies.

Felipe is already waiting outside his room when he arrives.

"Alright, mate," Rob says warmly, taking out his key. "How'd you get here?"

"Is late, I take the car," Felipe shrugs, hands in his pockets. As Rob opens the door, Felipe looks up at him through his eyelashes. "I wanted to see you."

For a moment, Rob is still, caught as he's been so many times before, for so many years, in Felipe's headlights. Then comes a nod, small and silent, and he holds the door to allow Felipe inside. He almost wants to say _you look tired_ as Felipe passes him, an inane remark given the kind of day, the kind of seismic, world-altering day, Felipe has had.

"You were not there today…?" Felipe observes, a gentle inquiry left without context, as if it were needed. Not there. At Felipe's announcement.

"There was a meeting. M'sorry, mate." He apologises and it feels so small and inadequate than he rushes it along its way with half-hearted mitigation and a wry smile. "You'd already told me, anyway."

Felipe nods minutely but just keeps looking at him with those big brown eyes, studying him. Like he's trying to peer right into him.

"Don't look at me like that," Rob chides him gently, a little defensive. He exhales; it sounds like a sigh. He apologises again, sincerely now. "I _am_ sorry."

"I wanted to thank you there."

"You don't have to," Rob answers immediately, far too quickly, and turns away to toss his key onto the bed and unbutton the top of his shirt. "Thank me with points on Sunday."

"I _wanted_ to," Felipe says again, more firmly, bringing Rob's gaze back to him. He holds his hands up. "And then we don't have to talk about for the rest of the season."

Rob rubs the back of his neck and smiles ruefully. "You think they're not gonna be fucking asking me about you all the time?"

Felipe shrugs, suddenly bashful but with a wide smile breaking through his serious expression, to Rob's no small relief. "I don't know! So many people there today, I don't expect." He shakes his head. "I don't think I ever see so many in the motorhome before."

Rob knows. He may not have been present, but across the paddock, through the small windows of the engineering truck, he could see the journalists and assorted folk as they filtered into the motorhome, more and more of them. Cameras, dictaphones, microphones, notepads, people chattering, gossiping away. He watched Felipe ascend the ramp himself, Nicolas and his family not far ahead; he watched Felipe pause near the entrance and smile as someone called his name, and he watched Felipe reach over the barrier to warmly embrace Carlos, exchanging some words with the Spaniard before he finally disappeared inside the motorhome. A little while later, Rob heard a burst of prolonged applause.

Rob disguises his swell of pride with an insult. "Maybe they all thought you had something intelligent to say for once," he says smoothly, earning himself a wrinkled nose and a gentle backhander.

"Is important to me to thank you," Felipe insists. "You are important. In the professional way." He pauses, and his voice grows quieter. "In the personal way."

Rob is about to brush it off again, keep that distance, _just keep brushing it off and it won't start to hurt_ \- but the profound look in Felipe's damn big brown eyes makes the words catch in his throat. So he nods.

"Okay. But please stop looking at me like that," he implores. With a shy smile, Felipe opens his arms, _come here_. Words without words. Rob goes to him, something acute and painful flooding his chest as he envelops Felipe in a tight hug, grazing his scarred temple with a kiss.

"I stay here," Felipe says against the shell of Rob's ear. "For a little bit."

Untangling himself, Felipe grasps his hand and leads him to the bed, as he has hundreds of time before, but quite unlike any of those hundreds of times before. They curl up together, Rob not even bothering to take off his shoes, Felipe tucked under his arm and fitted against him. They hold hands, make small talk. _How was your day? How are you? Better now…_ Rob rubs his thumb over Felipe's knuckles. They are at peace.

"Always you do so much for me," Felipe murmurs after a comfortable silence. Rob can almost hear the weight of his thoughts in his contemplative words. "I know is really for the team, but you understand. You understand _me_. Always you find the good thing to say to me. We learn together for all this time, and grow. I never work with somebody so easy. Even when is not so easy, is still _easy_ , you know?" He pauses and thumbs his eye. Rob squeezes his hand. Words without words.

"So...if I am lucky in anything in the sport, is to meet you, Rob," Felipe says quietly. "I am so lucky to know you. To love you."

Silently overwhelmed, Rob presses a fierce kiss to the top of Felipe's head, but it isn't enough, it could never be enough for all that they are; the ache in his chest only sharpens and the desire to crush his lover to his chest and not let go for hours feels like the only thing that might ease it. Perhaps he isn't the only one, because Felipe shifts and turns, fumbling until he can wrap his arms around Rob. Kisses are scattered over whatever skin he can reach, messy but focussed all at once. A cruel thought flits across Rob's mind that if he could have this, just this, for the rest of the weekend, it might be okay.

Felipe draws back and looks at him, opening his mouth to speak again, but falters. After a moment of sudden calm, he sighs and smiles; it sounds like a release. Reaching up, he cups Rob's face, thumb grazing his cheekbone. He looks Rob in the eye. "You know, still I am lost here."

Rob feels his face grow warm, and in that moment, with Felipe looking at him like _that_ again, he cannot find the good thing to say. Felipe leans in, and Rob meets him halfway, lips yielding and parting under the press of a slow, sweet, so fucking _meaningful_ kiss.

"Don't kiss me like that either," Rob mumbles when they separate, roughness creeping into his voice despite his best efforts.

Felipe blinks, look genuinely confused in that way of his. "I don't always kiss like this?"

"We've got...however many fucking races to go yet," he says with a half smile, and initiates a kiss of his own. _Don't kiss me goodbye every time,_ he thinks.


End file.
